When I Murdered My Motivation

Being filled

I recall a time, not too long ago, when I never got up in the morning full of energy just raring to go. Nothing seemed to really motivate me. Not even the good companies I worked for. Not the good salaries, positions, accolades, Deep down inside I wanted to do something else. Something huge, truly unique. Despite feeling this way, thinking if I committed myself full-time to it I would be successful. All I had to do is quit my good paying job. Needless to say, I didn’t have the guts to quit my job, I became consumed with thinking about my dream, constantly. At that point in my life, it was all about thoughts, rather than creating the reality of those thoughts. There were times I cursed those thoughts ‘to leave me alone!!!’ I stabbed those dreams many times. Yes, I committed homicide to those dreams. I murdered my dreams.

A couple days later when I woke to start my day, I noticed that for some reason I felt “lighter, free, like never before. At the time, it felt like the huge weight had been lifted off of me. I was literally amazed at feeling that way. People who knew me even commented how different I seemed to be. Reflecting, I noted to myself, that when I killed my dreams I actually set myself free. No more was there pressure over dreams unfulfilled. The more I realized and acknowledge this, the happier I was starting to become. Two weeks later, something nudged me out of bed at 3:00 a.m. int he morning and directed me to the room I call my quiet space. Unconsciously, I sat on the floor, something I would had never done consciously. Sitting there with the lights out in the middle of the room, not making any effort to get up, go back to bed, confused initially, yet feeling a peace like never before, after mentally I stop fighting the thought or analysis of what was happening. What I didn’t at the time this was the beginning of what would become a daily practice of meditation. Later, that morning I felt a vigor, clarity, a ‘pep to my step’, as I began and throughout my day. Like clockwork thereafter, at 3:30 a.m. in the morning I duplicated that ritual daily.

About four weeks later, for some reason, that nudge reappeared woke me up even earlier and led me to that quiet room, and announced, “now is the time to discover your real self that will lead to our true purpose. I who is called Inspiration will be your compass leading the way.” Interesting I never felt the weight, burden, anxiety, frustration since and during that announcement by Inspiration. Instead through discovering my true self I’ve felt, passion like never before. And as Inspiration announced, it has led to the discovery of what my true purpose is and has been all along. Using the ‘compass of Inspiration’ my need, must haves of life have changed from fear of lost too, rather to renewed vigor of fulfillment in every conceivable way possible. Along the way that ‘addictive good job and salary’ gone, replaced with the comfortable, freedom enhanced self-sustainability. Following the ‘compass of Inspiration’ has not only strengthen the thirst for discovery, but the will and power to activate what is being discovered. When I look back, murdering motivation was the right thing definitely the right thing to do. Why? Because it wasn’t the dreams that were murdered, rather it was the motivation that is driven by ego, often fear of not succeeding according to a learned identity. Inspiration, on the other hand, lead to fully discovering and activating my life’s purpose. Which by the way, incorporate my dreams, or as I prefer to call them, “Visions of what my Life Purpose have in store for me”.


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